Satire

Recent graduate would like to thank spark notes, google scholar and the ctrl+F function for her degree

Recent politics graduate, Anna (22), has come forth on Facebook to thank those who really helped her through her degree. In her recent post on…

Satire

WATCH: “We created a fake SU election candidate”

Olivia Mesce

In the run up to the Students’ Union Presidential elections, the talk on campus was nothing short of dull and predictable. Small talk evolved from…

Satire

President Trump is Democracy’s “final boss tier”, finds Brookings Institute

Katherine Butterfield

Recent research conducted by the American Brookings Institute has found that Donald J Trump, 45th president of the United States, is the direct equivalent of…

Satire

Horoscopes

Katherine Butterfield

Aries For the first time in a while, you’ll start feeling like yourself again. But don’t be feeling it too much. We both know what’s…

Satire

From Eton To Harrow: Endless Diversity In Parliament

Abi Blain

This month I was lucky enough to spend a week interning at the Houses of Parliament. Excited and nervous, I went off to perform the…

Satire

The Guillotine’s Advice Column

Ill-advised Iona

Anon: Help! I really want to fuck my lecturer. I can't get over this BURNING URGE, what should I do? You know babes, most…

Satire

Huge Number of Students Misinterpret The Meaning of SHAG Week

Olivia Mesce

The Ambrose sexual health clinic, at the Royal London Hospital, have reported a huge increase in patients following Queen Mary’s SHAG week. Apparently, many students…

Satire

Queen Mary Tories Celebrate Pension Cuts

Olivia Mesce

The few Conservative members at Queen Mary University have planned two weeks of ‘non-stop’ partying during the strikes, in order to celebrate the pension cuts.…

Satire

Corbyn To Hire Liam Neeson’s Character From ‘Taken’ To Find Labour’s Missing Brexit Stance

Katherine Butterfield

Leader of the Labour party, Jeremy Corbyn, announced today that after several months of an absent stance, he has hired ‘Taken’ character Bryan Mills (Liam…

Satire

News in Brief

Liam Pape

Girl, who slept through seminars and watched most lectures on Q-Review anyway, OUTRAGED and DISGUSTED that striking lecturers will not be teaching. QM President says…

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Turnitin announces new tools to detect bought essays

New plagiarism detection tool to help universities clamp down on ‘one in seven’ graduates who may have cheated on essays. Turnitin, the essay submission software […]
A Survival Guide to Freshers’ Week

– Don’t be afraid to get social. Go to Drapers. Drink the red beer (if you dare). Dance to generic grime and wind up in […]
Data shows Mile End library busier in middle of night than 9 a.m.

Turns out, Queen Mary students are more night owl than early bird. Data analysed by The Print shows that the Mile End library was busier […]