UK vs. USA: Who’s the biggest loser?

UK vs. USA: Who’s the biggest loser?

Ladies and Gents,

Welcome to the fight of the year! This epic battle will determine what is on everyone’s mind today: who, out of the UK and the US, is the Biggest Loser!

On the right side, one of the oldest and ultimate empires of the world. Its proudest notable fact is that the Queen is on many notes of the Commonwealth countries, which is good as it is the only thing remaining from its empire era. It is now facing one of the biggest struggles in its political history: leaving the EU. And it’s not looking good – which is a better advantage for them in this fight, always a positive prospect in a battle for the title of the Biggest Loser.

Politicians changing their minds just not to agree with each other (we need a second referendum. You are asking me if I really want one? Then I don’t want it anymore, Ha!).  You have to appreciate the determination and commitment not to agree with one another in order to create even more trouble. And everyone is putting their back into it! Talking about not agreeing with one another, the group spirit is pretty much in perfect cohesion to grab the Biggest Loser title. At this point, Brexit talks are going as smoothly as Prince Philip’s driving. Even though it seems like a really childish drama during lunch break, it is playing the long run; between recession, real-estate bubble bursting, and a good five years of administrative mayhem, the UK is really planning long-term as a loser. Even more if a no-deal is going through – this might be what would declare the UK winner and get the Biggest Loser belt.

On the left side, the US of A! Just surviving two years of Trump’s mandate and now trying to find a way to survive the next two, the US is going through the longest governmental shutdown in its history. President Trump has been pushing everyone’s buttons to the point of when you think nothing worse could happen, he finds new ways to crush the tiny bits of hope you had left.

He goes in the fight, stopping at nothing to get the title! It is worth mentioning he is solely handling the fight and is creating the ultimate chaos with his own hands. A loser like no others! This is what I call commitment – kudos to him for finding original techniques, argument points and policies to destroy in order to strip people of basic needs and Human Rights. What a visionary. Not even Ruth Bader Ginsburg with cancer could beat it. However, he only has two years left in front of him to do more damage, which is not a lot and I see the people do not seem happy with him right now, which might cost him the presidency for a second run. But this is the compromise you have to make when you want the title of Biggest Loser. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

It might be difficult to see where the balance is leaning towards right now, but if you think about it, the US is technically the UK’s baby brother. As they say, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. The deciding moment will be really just about how they approach the last rounds, but if both sides keep this pace, it might be a tie. We are witnessing amazing loser behaviour. This fight might shape History and we are witnessing it.

*Update: As this issue goes to print, President Trump and Congress reach a temporary deal to end the government shutdown. Although we do not know if this will continue, it will slow down the US in the run to the Biggest Loser title.


Section: Satire

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