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QMUL Confessions and Memes given official status at University

We write to you today to give you some exciting news straight from QM HQ: the long standing and popular student-run Facebook page ‘QMUL Confessions and Memes’ has been granted official university status. 

‘QMUL Confessions and Memes’ is a Facebook page in which students can submit anonymous posts online. Popular subjects include bitching, finding the perfect conservative Muslim bride, and asking whether there are resits for their resits.

The page has been heralded by the digital marketing team at QM as a “breakthrough in student-university relations”. On the official press release, the page was also claimed to be “revitalising the student population”, “an open space full of friendly peer support”, and “definitely not a toxic cesspool filled with racist, horny teenagers”. 

The first task the digital team are handling is the reported increase in the amount of ‘snakes’ on campus. “Truly”, started one digital employee, “I’ve never even seen as much as a frog on campus in terms of reptiles, yet here are hundreds of students seeing snakes everywhere!” She paused, looking distressed, but continued, “the epicentre appears to be both Hive and the ground floor of the library. We’re getting Steve Irwin’s son in next Tuesday to have a look”. 

However, The Print has received reports that this takeover is simply a hairbrained scheme to convince students to actually go to the careers office. Thanks to a leaked email chain, we have found that the QM office has been planting such posts as, “OMG that careers office is like SO USEFULL!!” onto the page. Other plants include, “wow, so I totally love uni and everyone should like ACTUALLY attend their personal advisor meeting – my PA is so HOT!! LMAO” and, “Haha, what do you MEAN the library is overcrowded!!! No it’s not!!!!”. 

The Print can only raise its concerns over the possible sway these messages may have over the confessions page’s nine thousand followers. The Print feels it is simply against student tradition to think about both their future career and attend their personal advisor meetings and urges students not to be taken in by this sensible propaganda.

Despite the following changes that may be made to the page, it is known as a place where one can freely express their opinions without repercussions for themselves and we hope this may never change. Long live anonymous shit-posting.

Click here to like The Print on Facebook, to see more Queen Mary news, analysis, comment, and satire. 

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