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100 Word Rants: Issue 19

Has the world pissed you off recently?  Fancy a bit of a moan?  Then breathe your anonymous fire in our 100 Word Rant spread!  

Too Many Sparkles for a Bath?
I recently saw a bath bomb at Lush Cosmetics that was literally a block of gold glitter. If I were to bathe in that, I would probably emerge looking like a sparkly princess. There is no problem with this – in fact, it is quite pretty – but it seems to defeat the purpose of bathing. If I wanted my body to have glitter on it, I could just walk through a nursery class, or buy some glitter and glue and go to town.

Sloth Syndrome

We all need help at times; I get that. Sometimes we struggle to work independently, and that is perfectly understandable. But what is not understandable, and in fact is completely unreasonable, is when people demand help because they decide they don’t feel like doing their work on their own.

These people are perfectly capable, but perfectly lazy, suffering from what I like to call ‘Sloth Syndrome’. They make the decision to be indolent.These people have the full ability to complete their work, but can’t be arsed to even attempt it.

Then, these people have the audacity to get angry when they do not receive help. And then, these people become frustrated when their lethargy is not rewarded with assistance. So, if this is you, please know your sense of entitlement will not take you very far and that you will never be as cute as the mighty sloth.

Gym Culture
Yes, babe, I see you in your Adidas shorts and a face full of makeup. I see you sauntering from machine to machine, only exercising for approximately 8.5467 seconds on each to make sure you don’t get too sweaty. Your furtive glances towards the boys lifting weights aren’t missed. Here’s the problem: you’re raising the standards for everyone else in the gym. I don’t go to the gym to look pretty; I go so I don’t get fat. So, move on out of my way and play your pulling game elsewhere please.

Join a whole load of societies, but maintain first-class grades. Have social media, but do not spend too much time using it. Be in a relationship, but don’t be obsessive. Have a social life, but focus on your job and uni work. Go to every party you can, but do not give in to temptation. Be nice and kind, not a pushover. You cannot be uptight, but also not carelessly sloppy. Have confidence, but do not be conceited. Celebrate your uniqueness, but you must fit in. Be yourself, but exactly the opposite. Do not play by society’s rules, but live up to its every expectation.

Shut up
Dear loud people, stop. Stop screaming every word that comes out of your mouth. Stop yelling everything that could be so easily heard. Stop being so obnoxious. You’re talking to someone who is two feet away from you… why are you talking so loudly? Why do you want the whole room to hear you? Is what you have to say really that important? Do you think everyone around you cares about your conversation? No. No one cares what you have to say, so please, for the love of everyone in your proximity, shut up.


Image: Blanca Gonzalez Alba

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