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Keeping up with the Conservatives

Despite Theresa May’s failures to organise a Brexit deal, the woman isn’t as useless as one might think. In fact, her niftiness on Groupon is something she prides herself on; she’s even mentioned it on her LinkedIn.

Thanks to this, the latest episode of Keeping up with the Conservatives saw the squad taking a day off from dismantling the UK for a well deserved pamper, all thanks to May for getting those spa vouchers. What says ‘we’re middle class white folk who are out of touch with the people’ more than a 90 minute hot stone massage.

Boris went for his usual treatment, the ‘socially cleansing face mask’ which actually caused a 20 minute debate between employees, as none of the female masseuses felt comfortable touching his face. Meanwhile, Amber Rudd was in the Rudd bath, which is like a mud bath but she wanted to make it more about her – and also ‘mud’ sounds a bit common doesn’t it?

Turning into one big wrinkle in the jacuzzi was May herself. Of course, this was no average bubble bath: She’d had it specially filled using the tears of the working class and children in poverty.

With one big splash the gang join each other from some team building in the pool, (except Theresa’s advisors of course weren’t really feeling the team spirit so caught an early train home) then commenced hours of fun with games like ‘piggy in the middle’… no surprise who Boris was!

Before anyone gets concerned it is important to mention that Arlene Foster (the leader of the DUP) was on hand as lifeguard, just incase the Tories need saving again.


Image: DonkeyHotey/flickr

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