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12 things NOT to do during Queen Mary’s Fresher’s Week

1. Don’t put labels on your food

Your new flatmates don’t care. They will come in at 5am, 20 cans down, ravenous from the sesh, and will devour that bespoke vegan cheese your mum bought you without a second thought. Your bread isn’t safe. Your butter isn’t safe. Nobody is safe.

2. Don’t sleep with your flatmates, if you can help it

Is one night of inebriated, awkward passion worth the uncomfortable eye contact in the kitchen for the next year? You decide.


3. Don’t suck up to your seminar leaders

Don’t leave an apple on their desk, that’s weird. Don’t tell them you wanna be their friend, that’s weird. Don’t research their entire personal and academic history online and make references to it during their office hours… that’s weird.


4. Don’t work out price per lecture

Don’t work out exactly how much every hour of contact time equates to. Once you’ve done the maths, this will make you perpetually miserable. Especially if you’re a liberal arts student.


5. Don’t eat Dixies every day

The medial repercussions have not been fully investigated.


6. Don’t fall for  “I’m letting it soak”

Just face it, if one of your flatmates has told you that they’re letting the dishes soak, they’re not going to wash them and it’s definitely time to start leaving passive aggressive post it notes.


7. Don’t get banned from Drapers for life

It will be the main watering hole for you and the other animals, every Monday and Wednesday for the next three years. By all means, lather yourself in red beer, exchange saliva with other sports teams and despair at the drapers DJ’s unsmooth transition from Flo Rida’s Low into Nelly’s Ignition. But don’t get yourself banned fr0m the most sacred place on campus.


8. Don’t throw up in your sink that is filled with dishes after a night out

Don’t leave it there to fester until the morning either, because when your flatmate goes to get their favourite cereal bowl their grandma bought them for their 18th birthday, and finds it filled to the brim with your dixies chicken-infused chunder; it’s all going to go south. Trust me.


9. Don’t go out on the sesh without lining your stomach and drinking water

This is rookie information that you should have acquired and perfected in sixth form or college. But, some still venture out without completing these preliminary checks, and end up painting the walls and floors of east London with the contents of their stomach. Yes, I’m looking at you.


10. Don’t talk about how many days your Snapchat streak is with your friend from home

This doesn’t just apply to Fresher’s week, make this a general rule for life. Nobody gives a shit.


11. Don’t go into the Sainsbury’s local opposite uni at lunchtime 

You will not emerge for the foreseeable future.


12. Don’t ask stupid questions in lectures

As a great man once said, “there are no stupid questions, just stupid people”. So, save yourself the embarrassment and keep any potentially dodgy questions for seminars, office hours, or once everyone else has left the lecture theatre. Genuine questions heard before in Queen Mary lecture theatres include “Can you get half marks in this multiple-choice quiz?” and “Are you allowed to wear t-shirts with slogans for the exam?” Note: good questions are more than welcome though.


13. But, DO prepare to have what might be the best year of your life

You’re going to meet a plethora of incredible people who will broaden your mindset, experience things that are as exhilarating as they are shameful, and be set on a path that will inevitably shape you as a person in the years to come.


Note from editor: We don’t just do clickbaity, Buzzfeed-esque listicles. We pride ourselves on producing meaningful content. So, check out some of these stories below: 


Images: Anantal (Flickr)

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