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What ‘She’ really knows

Our zero-hour contracted mystery debunker ignores the laughs to see what Dapper is really saying

Viner and popular misogynist Dapper Laughs has been everywhere in the news this week because he wore that turtleneck and told Newsnight he was really sorry about all the rape business.

The controversy has sparked flaccid debate at many university society socials where the lack of common ground due to friendships being based solely on the fact that I write for the student newspaper of which the other participant is the editor, deeming it improper to address any more morally ambiguous topic.

The real concern about Dapper Laughs however is not the inconceivable popularity of his rapey lad humour but what lies behind his popular and much quoted catchphrase “she knows”, also my dad says he very much doubts that Dapper Laughs is his real name unless it’s a corruption of another name, he said he knew a woman called Jenny Luff once though, she was Scottish. Dad says there’s no accounting for ‘Dapper’ but he conceded that you can pretty much call your kids what you want these days because he’s a reasonable man.

Dapper’s catchphrase will normally be spouted after gaining the attention of one of many innocent women to which Dapper has shouted “Oi I’ve got a big knob and I’m not gay let me see up your c**thole, I’m not saying please.”

Some women will shrug off this abuse with an agonised smile, knowing after the inevitable “she knows” that they are powerless to resist. “What kind of sorcery does this hellish incantation hold!?” you impatiently whine having already read the title so you know full well that I’m going to explain it to you.

Just what is it that ‘she’ knows? And does Dapper know too? Because he looks pretty smug about something and I reckon it’s that.

The terrible truth is that Mr Laughs’ “she knows” reminds the woman in question — and it is a woman because he is definitely not gay, he never even considered it or experimented or had any dreams about it or any of that — about the ultimate futility of existence.

“She knows (about the inevitable darkness to which we are all doomed in this shallow and godless world)” Dapper sneers. And he knows too. It is not only misogyny that he was sowing like seeds over the manured fields of England, but despair.

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