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Simon Gasket, Queen Mary’s head teacher, has today revealed that the international body for nightclubs, Tiffanynfriends, has voted Drapers Bar and Kitchen the award for ‘Most Outstanding Night Club in East London Area Not Including Romford’

In a statement on the matter, Basket remarked that “today is a joyous day. Celebrate. Ring your parents, tell them you love them, because you don’t do that enough as it is! You only mask your guilt with all the cheap booze and cigarettes and marshmallow sandwiches you know.”

Drapers was born in 1755, and started life as a small and intimate tavern. A popular haunt, it harboured numerous obnoxious gaudy landlubbers on a Wednesday evening once a month – an aspect that Tiffanynfriends were delighted to find that today’s Drapers stays true to.

In her statement on the decision to award Drapers the award, Tiffany (the boss of Tiffanynfriends), told reporters that “we had to choose someone – it was either that or give it to Nando’s again.”

Togy Jeeh from The Print interviewed several comers of Drapers last Wednesday night. A particularly keen comer jumped on him, spluttering the words “osh blunt foog purr”, as he proceeded to vomit onto Jeeh’s Dictaphone.

Drapers Bar and Kitchen are “determined to maintain the title for as long as possible”.

One Comment

  1. Barking Boy Barking Boy 14th February 2016

    Would a Romford nightclub win the award if Romford were included?
    Romford may have the most nightclubs in east London but it don’t mean it has the best.

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