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Whitechapel medical school in negotiations concerning the release of A-list hostage Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper’s disappearance has brought great sadness to his fans and colleagues, in a case that is now being treated as a hostage situation

After visiting Barts Medical School last week, for research into a new play about science and elephants, The Hangover star did not return from his trip. His manager and entourage quickly discovered that he had been kidnapped by Barts Medical School.

In light of the events, Barts’ principal released a statement, reporting that “Brad is safe and well. We are looking towards keeping him until he’s fully grown and then using him as the first ‘celebrity’ exhibit in our collection.”

“This is a time of progression for our school, which has constantly been undermined by its counterpart Queen Mary. Are you proud of me now, Dad?”

Bradley Cooper has yet to issue a statement, but is allegedly being given a luxurious bachelor pad to lodge in whilst he matures. We do not know if the play about science and elephants will come into fruition.

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