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There’s Something About Mary

QM found to harbour illicit rom com cult

University authorities have told students that they shouldn’t ‘twat about’ today, a slightly rude comment that has emerged in response to the rallying of an illegitimate romantic comedy cult found to be harbouring numerous illicit activities on campus.

Queen Mary has been notified that Los Romanticos, a group of smallish Spaniards parading themselves as lovers of “the movement of people who got no time for temperance, Sebastian”, has turned out to be a cult dedicated to the effervescent love of the rom-com movie.

William Shakespeare sculpted Romantic Comedy like “a skilled potter with a lot of terracotta” in 1604. The 1990’s stole the line of take-a-scene-to-intimateplace-maybe-under-thestars-and-say-it-like-youmean-it, shoving those pots on a conveyor with more gusto than you can shake a stick at.

Cameron Diaz has appeared in every romantic comedy film that has ever been made, and her mum told us that she “really wants to be in the next one that comes out”, so it has come as no surprise to many what one whistle blower has uncovered.

“Chanting ‘THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH A HAPPY ENDING BILL CLINTON’, they began to don their Cameron Diaz masks whilst taking off their clothes. What followed was, well, a bit of a sight for my eyes, I probably didn’t think that was physically possible,’ Mr Whistler told us [scratches face, takes long, slow sip of pink gin].

The idea is attracting more and more students, with the trend growing ever-popular due to an apparent increase in the love of the obstacle-filled relationship, and the broadcasting of it as though every other fucker wants to hear, and the cult has alleged plans to begin operating within the main body of ‘conventional’ cults on campus.

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