LEAVE 2018 ALONE!

LEAVE 2018 ALONE!

Classic new year new me drivel

Despite it being only January, 2018 has already had to take time off due to stress. The remarkable amounts of pressure are proving too much. I can already hear the third-year readers tutting and see them rolling their eyes as they question, for the 20th time today, how anyone can complain about stress when they have a dissertation to write.

Yet, it is our demands that have weighed down 2018 as social media has been littered with requests. 2018 better bring me success, money, happiness and true love!!!said Sarah from Kent via Facebook. Good riddance 2017, 2018 is gonna make my dreams come true, new year new me!said John from Derby. Similar demands are being broadcast every minute, creating huge expectations of 2018.

2018 spoke to The Print on New Year’s Eve, when its stress levels were at its peak, explaining that it doesn’t know how to fulfil all these desires, as it is simply a year, a new date on the calendar. A change.org petition has even been created to ban the phrase new year, new me. (But as we all know, change.org is just a way for irritated snowflakes to feel like they’re making a difference when in actual fact, nothing ever comes of them).

Furthermore, 2018 has been particularly concerned over threats, such as Watch out 2018!from Alice, North London. Over at The Print, there isnt much we can do to help 2018 with their increased stress levels, other than to ask you readers to stop personifying a date on the calendar. Instead, why not take matters into your own hands and work hard for happiness and success, (not much you can do if you’re unlucky in love, sorry). Lets all stop relying on a new year to miraculously transform our lives and face the cold hard truth: youre going to be just as lazy, unsociable and inadequate in 2018 as you were the year before.

 

Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash


Section: Satire

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *