Horoscopes by ABBA

Horoscopes by ABBA

This issue we invited guest psychic’s Agnetha, Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid to reveal what is going on in your life right now.

Taurus
You’re going through a tough break-up, but knowing yourself and knowing them, there’s nothing you can do. Breaking up is never easy, but you just have to face it.

Gemini
Sometimes Gemini, you sound a bit desperate. Whenever anyone is all alone, you beg them to take a chance on you! We get it, you’re still free.

Aries
So far in 2018, you’ve danced, you’ve jived… you’re just having the time of your life! Some people think you’re naive because you’re young and sweet – you look only 17! But really, you’re the true Dancing Queen.

Cancer
Being cheated on so many times must hurt so much. You need to make up your mind and bring it to an end. Look at yourself: are you ever going to learn? Stop losing control. Your Mum is your rock.

Leo
Leo, you waste so many emotions. You never used to be the jealous type. But now, every woman you see is a potential threat to you! Your possessive side isn’t nice, cut it out.

Virgo
Money troubles just won’t go away this month. You work all night and all day to pay your bills and there’s still not a single penny left for yourself!  You dream about getting yourself a wealthy man, but it’s 2018 – you don’t want to rely on a man!

Libra
Libra, you’re getting lonely. You hate spending your evenings alone. Luckily, my powers tell me you’re going to find a man, shortly after midnight. He’ll chase your shadows away and bring you out of this darkness you’re feeling.

Scorpio
You’ve met someone. They are very hot and they won’t stop teasing you! Unfortunately, you’ll soon find out they’re way too young for you! Their parents probably don’t even know they’re out the house. Unlucky Scorpio. Legal age may be 16, but you don’t want to look like a cougar/pimp now do you? 

Sagittarius
You’re stressing out about your History exam. You’ve got months left to revise anyway! Just remember the history book on your shelf is always repeating itself and don’t forget Waterloo won the war. Don’t be defeated, it’s only an exam.

Capricorn
This month a big career opportunity is coming along but you have to take it now or you’ll leave it! Now is all you get because there are no promises in the world of work so you don’t want to have regrets! It’s not even that big a decision, it’s only a job.

Aquarius
Sometimes, Aquarius, you can be a bit of a dreamer. You use it as a coping mechanism. Believing in things like Angels and something good in everything you see just seems a bit naive. It’s all just one big fantasy to help you through reality. Wake up and grow up.

Pisces 
January has been filled with loss for you. You don’t even want to talk about the things you’re going through. You hurt but it’s in the past now and you need to move on. They took it all and you’re feeling so small but this is your destiny.


Section: Satire

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