100 Word Rants: Issue 22

100 Word Rants: Issue 22

Has the world pissed you off recently?  Fancy a bit of a moan?  Then breathe your anonymous fire in our 100 Word Rant spread!  

Clubs
I have decided that I’m over clubbing. It’s not the most enjoyable experience, is it? I can guarantee that you will all agree with me when I say there are more entertaining ways to spend my nights, which don’t involve sweaty, sticky dancefloors and gin being poured all over your shoulder. Clubs are full of inconsiderate people who think that, because it’s dark, they can do what they like. It’s not an excuse for you to carelessly throw your half-filled plastic cup over my head, nor is it ok for you to pinch my arse. Give me a cosy night in any day!

Winter Woes
This winter has been one long, continuous hurricane and I am beyond done with it. There are countless puddle-soaked socks and my poor shoes cannot take it anymore. It’s cold and damp and everyone’s ill and it makes me feel so sad. Bring back the sun and nice weather already!

Year Ends but Work Doesn’t
Why do teachers still assign us work during the Christmas holidays? At this point in the school year, everyone is tired and burnt out, including both students and teachers. We think we can take a sigh of relief, but before we can even finish our exhale, teachers are already shoving more assignments and exams in our faces. We have zero energy – isn’t that the point of a holiday? We do not want to do the work and I am almost certain that teachers do not want to grade it either. Why can’t we just enjoy the holiday period?

Slang – nah, fam.
“Yo fam, we’re gonna have a hellaaa lit party fam so bring, like, stuff. Yeah, yeah, no, we’re gonna look at dank memes and Netflix and Chill for a while innit. Aight see ya then bois.” Why do we talk like this? What is it about millennial culture that inspires us to spout such nonsensical vocabulary? The slang we use doesn’t even make sense. What are “dank memes?” “Dank,” according to the dictionary, means, “cold and moist”… but that’s probably not what you want your “memes” — whatever those are — to be like, right? Maybe this is just another inexplicably generational thing. We can only hope it’s not here to stay. LIT-erally.

Alarm Clocks
Doesn’t waking up to the loud, ringing noise of an alarm clock every day make mornings miserable? It can be argued that alarm clocks were designed to annoy people – who wants to be startled awake by a buzz or a ring? People then have to adjust themselves out of their cozy blankets just to stop the whining noise that woke them from their dreams. There’s even an alarm clock that has wheels, forcing the sleeper to get out of bed to retrieve it. Alarm clocks were designed to ruin people’s mornings!

 

Image: Blanca Gonzalez Alba


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