Scientists Prove it is IMPOSSIBLE to be White and a Terrorist

Scientists Prove it is IMPOSSIBLE to be White and a Terrorist

Top scientists have revealed some important new findings this week. After years of high quality investigations and experiments, they can now declare it a cold hard fact that there is no such thing as a ‘White Terrorist’.

A hundred percent accurate evidence has shown that the colour of your skin does actually determine whether or not you have committed an act of terror. At least now we can stop using mental illness to protect caucasian terrorists and just inform everyone of the real reason we are treating them differently: they are white!

You may remember earlier this month, on the evening of the 1st October 2017, when a gunman shot dead 58 people in Las Vegas and injured almost 500. Despite him causing an essential massacre, it is important we remember that he had a family, the music he listened to, how his primary school teacher gave him a good parents evening report and that he once gave a homeless man a coffee. These are all essential pieces of information that the media rightly told us because we do not want this man’s name being burdened by something as futile as mass murder now, do we? Especially considering he’s white.

Now, for example, if this man were Asian, it is fundamental that other news outlets and ourselves would treat the case differently; if I may remind you, scientists have proven there is a link between being a terrorist and the colour of one’s skin. In the case of an Asian terrorist, the media must use only photos of the perpetrator that could resemble an evil cartoon character and dig tirelessly into their past to find and report any shady behaviour. It is important after these events to spread as much fear as possible.

Due to the highly accurate proof and the cold hard facts that tireless scientists working exclusively for The Print have obtained, it is essential that from now on we understand white people that kill people are lone wolves and anyone else is a terrorist. For more information on this extremely factual investigation, go to the Department of White Privilege.

 

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash


Section: Satire

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