To quote my flatmate: “You know when everything just seems too overwhelming, when nothing’s really happened? Me right now”.
I’m sat here, trying to type an article for my newspaper column, with no clue what to write (slightly ironic since my last column discussed how much I love writing lol whatevs) and I’m starting to feel it.
You know, the feeling where your head aches and your eyes sting and you racket your mind for anything to inspire you to write this article but nothing seems to be working and you have three deadlines and no food and no time to do a big shop as you’re so busy with your three deadlines and this article that you just cannot write and your list of problems just endlessly seem to grow and grow and grow and…
Isn’t it bizarre how a tiny, one syllable word can encompass an overwhelming scope of problems? How the fiery panic burning in your chest, that the exhaustingly long days and the sleepless nights can be so neatly boxed away, so simply labelled?
Don’t get me wrong, the ‘baby-adulthood’ student bubble – that is, not quite a child and not quite a grown-up – has not completely burst. I love a good night out as much as the next girl and I’m desperate to relinquish myself of any necessary responsibility. Sure, student life has its perks. It seems to be all about living for the present, enjoying the here and now.
Yet, I feel like there is a certain vulnerability to being a ‘baby-adult’ which nobody talks about. The bubble we live in has not completely burst, but the breathing holes are letting in water and, my god, I’m starting to drown. Bills. Essays. Deadlines. Part-time jobs. Summer internships. Career plans. Not so easy living for the present when you’re so concerned with the future, is it?
So, long story short, being a ‘baby-adult’ has ruined me and I have no idea what I’m doing. But does anyone? To me, the stress of uni and planning for the future equates to being all fucking day in that last moment going up a rollercoaster and never getting that amazing rush of going down. We are so stressed in the present, we forget to live for the moment. We are so anxious about our futures, we cannot positively anticipate them.
Well, it looks like I have an article! That’s one thing I can cross off the list, I guess.