Believe it or not, these petitions are gaining signatures everyday on change.org, and their importance cannot be ignored. Get online and show some support, readers:
1. ‘Replace the Confederate Monument in Portsmouth with statue of Missy Elliott’. Get ur Freak on for Portsmouth guys.
2. ‘Bring back Pickled Onion Monster Munch that turn your tongue blue!!’ So glad such important issues are finally surfacing.
3. ‘Big Ben to be renamed ‘Massive Mohammed’. Tommy Robinson’s pick of the week.
4. ‘GREAT BRITAIN NEEDS A TEA EMOJI!’ Does this mean Kermit has been sipping coffee all this time?
5. ‘Morrisons to reinstall trolley deposit locks, or another suitable anti-theft device’. How would the ultimate fresher lad prove himself as King of Banter without bringing a trolley home from a mental night out?