The Very (Fame) Hungry Caterpillar

The Very (Fame) Hungry Caterpillar

Read this modern classic exclusively for the first time in The Print.

In the light of the moon, a tiny egg lay on a leaf.

One Sunday morning the warm sun came up.

Out of the egg came a tiny, and very fame hungry, caterpillar.

He started to look for some attention.

He began by writing one newspaper column, but he was still fame hungry.

Soon he became notorious and was fired from two editorships, but he was still hungry for more fame.

The next year he tried flattering celebrities three times a day, but he was still left hungry for fame.

In the next decade he tested the nation’s patience four times every hour. This brought him much attention, but even this left him hungry for fame.

He began lying five times every eight minutes, which brought him even more attention. But he was still hungry for fame.

In the next few years, he started feuds with Ian Hislop, Jeremy Clarkson, Madonna, Hugh Grant, Charlotte Church, Ewan McGregor, J. K. Rowling, Emma Watson, the entirety of the Black Lives Matter movement and every female on the planet.

This left him completely exhausted – but he gazed lovingly at his signed portrait of Donald Trump and felt much better.

And he wasn’t a little caterpillar anymore, he was a moderately famous caterpillar.

One day, he discovered Twitter and cocooned himself in it. He didn’t come offline for more than two weeks.

When he finally emerged, the transition was complete. He was The Famous Piers Morgan – renowned for being hated!

The End.

Image: Digitas Photos/flickr


Section: Satire

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